Hey there and welcome. I’m Nadine Piat from Healthy You Healthy Love and I’m a coach for smart savvy women looking for sexy, united love and in today’s video I’ll be sharing The Importance of Boundaries and How to Set Them. Stay tuned because these tips are absolutely vital for a healthy relationship, because boundaries builds respect which allows passion and intimacy to stay alive…
But there is a big difference between boundaries and barriers, or what some people may call “rules” or “threats” and most people get these two things very confused. Threats instil fear and even bully another, and instead of strengthening a relationship, they can ruin a relationship. Barriers do not create closeness, they create distance and lack of emotional safety with a partner.
This is why this is one of those relationship break or make kind of topics. Now before we continue, please be sure to subscribe and click that bell button to get notified of my next hot topic. And if you like this topic and you find it helpful in any way please share this video with at least one friend in need of some help or guidance when it comes to attracting healthy intimate love.
So Let’s jump right into the topic so that you can get your needs met with your man… or with anyone… What Are Boundaries? Well, boundaries are something that you set for yourself. Boundaries are all about honouring your own core values and articulating something that’s important to you or sharing something that you may not be comfortable with within a relationship. A Boundary can be set within yourself for yourself and expressed to others and these boundaries indicate what you’re willing to do and/or accept or tolerate within yourself and with others.
When expressing your boundary to another, they have the freedom to do what they like, including honouring and respecting your boundary, or not, and also setting their own personal boundaries. Why would you set a boundary? Well, boundaries shape a relationship. Setting a boundary allows the person to not only respect the relationship, but also respect the relationship they have with themselves. Whether you or your partner’s boundary is big or small – if you or they have agreed to honour it then it needs to be respected.
Both of you need to work towards nurturing this standard or value to strengthen the relationship. How & When To Express Your Boundaries? Before you communicate what your boundaries are with your partner, firstly it’s important to understand your own needs within a relationship. What are you okay with? What are the things you’re personally willing to accept?
And before you express your boundary it’s important to sit with it and ask yourself – is what I’m asking this person to do or honour for me to feel safe, aligned and united in this relationship a reasonable request? Is this boundary based off my core values, or is this something that no one else can fulfill except me? Once you’ve established that your boundary is fair and reasonable, when’s the best time to share your boundaries? Firstly, not when you’re triggered and angry as your boundary can easily be expressed as a threat or rule.
I personally believe that the earlier you share your boundary the better. Women who don’t voice what they value tend to become resentful and the longer a problem bubbles away, the harder it is to address and change the situation. Here is an example of a boundary versus a barrier: A Barrier could be: “If you even consider having secret female friendships then we’re done. I’m not gonna put up with would-be liars who keep things hidden from me.”
This sounds wounded and it dictates what the other person can or cannot do which can become constricting, controlling, it sounds like a rule, and some barriers can even turn manipulative when left unchecked. A Boundary version would be: “I value transparency and honesty when it comes to catching up with female friends. I don’t tend to get jealous or insecure but when someone tries to hide a friendship it creates distrust within me.
It would be really great if we can both be transparent with this. How do you feel about that?” – The person still has the freedom to do what they want, but because you clearly state what you’re personally willing to do and/or tolerate it avoids coming off as controlling. This is because setting boundaries properly prevents one person from dictating the other’s actions and lifestyle choices, rather creating a space for honesty, open communication, safety, and respect.
In the barrier example, while it properly communicates loud and clear what you are willing to tolerate it also comes of as threatening as it puts the relationship in a hostage state which can cause a lot of emotional strain on both you and your partner. Avoid phrases like “or else” or any sort of language that insults the integrity of your partner and even the relationship as a whole.
Notice also the primary use of “YOU” statements in the barrier example while the boundary one exclusively uses “I” statements. This prevents any sort of controlling language that is unfortunately quite prevalent in unhealthy and even abusive relationships wherein a person’s actions are dictated and hamstrung by the other. There’s no freedom there and no room for the love to grow, breathe and flourish.
How do you tend to express what you value in a relationship? Please share with me your way of dealing with challenges and conflict right below in the comments. Let’s start the conversion so that we can break old patterns and communicate our needs in effective ways. So as you can see, it’s not only what you say or request when communicating your boundaries that’s important, how you say it can be just as if not more important!
Now to support you with this I’d love to share my free gift, Word Poison, I reveal the most common do’s and don’ts when communicating with your man. Check out the link below in the description to get your free gift! Once you know the 16 words and phrases to avoid using when dealing with these kinds of sticky situations and conflict You’ll be able to share your boundaries with grace and clarity.
So why wouldn’t you express what you VALUE? Some women are so desperate to be loved that they let a man treat them however they want and then they wonder why they don’t feel like they’re in a loving partnership – they don’t express what they value and need to feel safe and loved in a relationship, because of FEAR. For example, they may fear that they’ll either put pressure on their partner and scare them off, or the person will outright reject their request leaving them feeling rejected themselves and unimportant.
I know how scary it can feel to express your relationship values, but when done gracefully and from the heart you’ll know you’ve honoured yourself and the other person is then free to respect your boundary or not. They’ll either support what matters to you or they won’t, what you do after this is up to you. Not all relationship challenges are fixable, yet many are when two people are willing to compromise and honour each other.
To wrap this all up – making sure that you and your partner’s boundaries are being met and respected is a surefire way to ensure that your relationship is full of love and that everyone involved feels fully appreciated. A lot of people tend to find themselves adjusting to others and losing time and opportunities to work on themselves and establish who they are inside and outside of the relationship.
Setting boundaries early in the relationship helps prevent this. Now to make this all easier for you, my program Never Lose Him will perfectly help you to get your values met so that you can FINALLY create magnetic love. I reveal some tools to help you rise above communication challenges and insecurities fast. I’ll also teach what I call the LIPS method and the emotional barrier eliminator.
These methods will help you to feel empowered with a man and help you to dissolve a man’s resistance to intimacy with you. The link to Never Lose Him is in the description right below. Now of course before you go and if you haven’t yet please subscribe and click that bell button to get notified of my next video, and you know I love to hear from you to find out about you, so please comment below and share with me where you’re at in your love life right now so I know how to support you.
Also, we all need some loving support from time to time so please take a moment to share this with a friend, all you need to do is click the link below this video or you can copy it and it text to a friend who needs the courage to learn how to express her boundaries with clarity and grace so that she can experience the kind of love and intimacy she deserves.
I’m starting to spend more time on Instagram so please share this video as a story to support others, tag me at @NadinePiat so I can join you there. Or of course there is Facebook and Twitter. Relationships aren’t always easy to navigate so let’s work together to create big sexy love. Thank you for being here with me, I value you, and I look forward to seeing you again at my next video.