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Every Quarantine Ever

All right, guys. Good call. See you next week. (SHOUTING) Hey, hon, can
I get, like, five minutes? Huh? The kids are a little
much right now. [FUNK MUSIC] I'm not that worried about it. It's not that crucial, honestly. It's one quarter, guys. You know what? Can you all just
give me a minute? Just I got to go outside. [GRUNTS] What were you saying? [SMALL ENGINE WHINING] Oh, come on, Bill. You got to trim the hedges now? [FUNK MUSIC] Maybe we should watch a show. Duh. Hey, didn't you
wear that yesterday? [LAUGHTER] (MANIC TONE) I can't wait
to watch another rerun of the championship. Who do you think's going to win? I know, Alabama. The entire Harry Potter series
is even better upside down. That'd be, like, crazy if,
like, a wife fed their husband to a tiger, right? Yeah, that'd be really crazy. Like– [MUSIC STOPS] I mean, like, you
would never do that. [NERVOUS CHUCKLE] (DISMISSIVELY) No. Right? Right. [NERVOUS CHUCKLE] OK, you didn't say
anything, so I was like– [FUNK MUSIC] [BEEP] Beginning sanitation process. [HISSING] Honey, I'm home. Start the three-day
countdown on these groceries. [R&B MUSIC] I always knew I was a LEGO guy. You got to try ribs. They take up, like,
half your day. The two greatest
whip-crackers to ever live, Indiana Jones
and soon-to-be me. Who knew working on
engines was so fun? [WHIP CRACKS] (SHOUTING) Hah! Did you get a load
of that, Bill? No one cared who I was
till I put on the mask. [R&B MUSIC] This one's pretty good. I just forgot to make eye holes. Got attacked by birds
in the parking lot. Best one yet, but
not super breathable. Who knew a pot lid would work– [SNEEZES] I didn't think about that. [R&B MUSIC] Hey, man. You can just leave
it right there. Good seeing you. Yeah, you too. Enjoy the day. I just cleared this an hour ago. I'm going to eat so healthy. By the time this
is over, my friends won't even recognize me. It's not like this thing's
going to last for a month, so this is just a quick detour. [R&B MUSIC] (SHOUTING) Mom, DoorDash
says my Blizzard's here. They're at the door right now. Hey, want some pizza. Oh, this is a biscuit. [CHUCKLES] Here you go. No, that's mine. I don't share. [CHUCKLES] Everybody's thinking it's China. But you know who's really
been quiet about all this? Canada. Think about that. This is a 5G cell tower problem. You know, everybody's
blaming bats. But I'm not sure it's not just
kale chips and almond butter. I'm still holding strong,
it ain't from this planet. (FROM OTHER ROOM)
Babe, we need you. So does my squad. [R&B MUSIC] Night, love. [LIGHT CLICKS OFF] [R&B MUSIC] All right, boys. Where we dropping? Gym's closed, but not this gym. [SMACK] [GURGLING] (SHOUTING) Dig, dig, come on. Your mom is weak. Your mom is
Netflixing right now. (BELLOWING) Come on. Arm circles, Lucy. Arm circles. Lucy, listen to your sister. Arm circles. John. Adam. Good to see you, my man. You too. How's the family? Never better. Awesome. Hey, enjoy it. Stay safe out there. Yeah, you too. Expecto patronum. Expecto patronum. How's your mom? Great. She's doing good. Adam, how's it going, man? I'm good, John. How are you? Great. [SLURPING NOISE] Good to see you. Yeah, you too. [R&B MUSIC] Yeah, it's time. [SNIPPING] (DEJECTED) Oh, I didn't
know I had a mole there. Oh, wow. What's photosynthesis? So, um, photosynthesis– Plants. [R&B MUSIC] Photosynthesis, just to explain
it quickly and easily to you guys, is the process
by which green plants and some other organisms use
sunlight to synthesize food from carbon dioxide and water. So– [CLAPS] –next question. [RECORDER PLAYING CLOSING
STRAINS OF "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"] [R&B MUSIC] Package delivery. You want me to bring it in? Yeah, that'd be great. Have a good one, Codes. Oh, Ty? I could barely recognize you. Was it the mask? Well, no. Pretty good TP
tower you got there. (STAMMERING) They were gifts. You guys aren't, like, one
of those stockpiler families, right? Oh, us? No. We– no. Box was pretty light. What was in this one? Those are light bulbs. Light bulbs? Light bulbs. Not toilet paper, right? No. Why don't I cut it open? No, you don't need to check. It's not a heavy lift
for me, honestly. Can you please not? Ty. So if I take this box,
tip it upside down, there'll be shattered
glass everywhere. (DEFENSIVELY) OK. Hey, how are those
at-home workouts going? You talking to me? No, the other chubby
guy behind you. There's not another– [ROARING] [R&B MUSIC] [SHOUTING UNINTELLIGIBLY] (SHOUTING) Let's see if
this spaceship can fly. [CRASH] [SHOUTING CONTINUES] This is the only thing that
kept me from going crazy. What have you got out here? Don't touch it. [BANGING] [GLASS SHATTERS] Oh, gosh. [CRASH] That was a limited edition. Oh, you know what? I think I chipped
your paint right here. [SPRAY PAINT HISSES] He knows where I live now. I hate this place! [BELLOWING] I'll give you a box
of donuts to stop. [BELLOWING] [CRASH] Oh, come on! I'm never going to
financially recover from this. [R&B MUSIC] (SINGING) I'm a savage. Classy, bougie, ratchet. Man, I nailed that one. Son, would you help me put
this on the new Tic Tac app? Yeah, absolutely. [SMASH] (SHOUTING) No. Wow, that was really ratchet. Neighborhood stroll number 14. Killing our daily step totals. [R&B MUSIC] Never seen Buzzcut
here pre-quarantine. (NERVOUSLY) Oh, yep, hey, ooh. Get on this side,
get on this side. Distance, please. We got a baby. Say, hey, we should hang
out when this is all lifted. Yeah, well, yeah, after,
for sure, for sure. [R&B MUSIC] Get it, get it, get it. Come on. [SPRAYING] OK, get it. [SPRAYING] You amateurs. We already sprayed our eggs. See a dog, post a dog. You guys ever seen a dog? I know I'm just a
regular guy, but I'd like to nominate Leonardo
DiCaprio, Post Malone, and let's go Oprah. See a rock, sit on a rock. (TO SELF) That
one's kind of silly. I might not post that. This is going to be so fun. I cannot believe
we just did that. [R&B MUSIC] [DOG BARKING] Don't look at me. [SQUISH] Ugh. (MIMICKING WIFE) Oh, I think
it's great time to get a dog. Yeah, I'm sure. Ho ho ho ho. (SHOUTING) Honey! [R&B MUSIC] All right, we got everybody? Awesome. Thanks for hopping on, guys. We'll try and keep this quick. Update us on last
week, how that went. As far as an update– [AUDIO SKIPS] Everything was tra– [AUDIO SKIPS] [SPEAKING IN FAST-FORWARD] You're cutting out a little bit. [DIGITAL GROWL] And we've lost him. OK. Oh, Dave, are you frozen? [CLAPS] I got you. Oh, you know I did. OK, I thought I
mentioned last week, the jokes aren't
playing as well on here. So Rick, we know
you're not in space. Guys, please just if we can
focus just for a second, we'll get this done, and
then we can all go back to whatever we're doing. Jim, what have you got for us? You're on mute, Jim. (LOUDLY WITH BABIES CRYING)
Can you hear me now? What's in the background? What I was saying is Q1– Go back on mute. We'll get an update later. Yeah, I'm going to go mute. Man, I wish I could Zoom
away from my boss right now, am I right? Jim, you're not on mute now. OK? On a side note,
I would just like to point out how
attentive that Robert has been this whole meeting. I appreciate that. And that's the kind of thing
that is going to get you guys raises at the
end of the year. Yeah, I mean I'm shocked
if I'm ever up by noon. I say we drop at Lumber. [R&B MUSIC] [BLEEP] (SHOUTING) Mom, I
ordered a Reese's. Stop the DoorDash guy. [LAUGHING] [BLEEP] Did you hear that, Bill? [LAUGHS] Dang it, I can't laugh. Adam, good to– [CHUCKLES] You just broke your hand. [BEEP] Itchy. Stop, stop. [BEEP] [LAUGHS] [BEEP] I can't. It's not funny. [BEEP] [LAUGHS] [GROANING FROM EXERTION] [COUGHS] [HIGH-PITCHED LAUGH] Why is he laughing? Oh! [LAUGHING CONTINUES] Let me do that again. [HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHING] What's up, guys. Thanks for watching. Hope everybody's staying
home and staying safe. Two quick things– the biggest
project we have ever done, "The Dude Perfect Documentary,"
comes out right here on our channel, for
FREE, on May 11. Mark your calendars. You don't want to miss it. Click here if you want
to see the trailer. If you enjoyed this
video, please share it with somebody you
think can relate. Most importantly, please
join us in donating to Feeding America, an
incredible organization doing a lot of good for
people right now. You guys are the best. Pound it, noggin, see ya.