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Joe Biden States His Purpose: To Be A Light And End The Darkness Of The Trump Administration

america is living in a nightmare a devastating pandemic an economy in tatters a culture lost and adrift guess what motherfucker and overseeing it all a president who threatens to tear the country apart at its seams our nation cries out for a great man of history to lead us out of the darkness but since we don't have one let's go with this guy we hold these truths to be self-evident all men and women created by go you know you know the thing joe biden acceptable under the circumstances [Music] joe biden was born in 1942 in pennsylvania a state in america then his family moved to delaware another state in america it's not the most exciting story for president but you know what it is constitutionally sufficient after a childhood doing whatever you do in delaware joe went on to attend the university of delaware and the syracuse university school of law two schools that are near the top of their states geographically no they weren't harvard but they were fine i mean he's going to be able to read an intelligence briefing and armed with this perfectly adequate education joe biden was elected to the united states senate in 1972 where he spent the next 36 years building a perfectly adequate record some good stuff some bad stuff overall a solid b-minus yeah maybe he shouldn't have worked with segregationists to oppose busing kamala was right that was a big mistake it was hurtful but you know who got over it kamala so if she's cool with it what's your problem and besides you know what mistake he didn't make partying with jeffrey epstein at mar-a-lago so let's not overthink this one okay the point is throughout his political career joe biden never went off the rails in fact this guy loves rails i'm the biggest railroad guy you've ever known he was known as amtrak joke he's amtrak joe amtrak joe biden has made more than 7 900 round trips to washington d.c yes amtrak joe loves his choo-choos now is it the most normal thing for an adult man to think trains are that cool not really but so what the guy wants more trains it's not like he wants to nuke hurricanes he's not out here trying to buy greenland for christ's sakes we can live with trains throughout his career in public service joe biden served the people with honor integrity and sometimes free massages seriously his biggest scandal was plagiarizing part of a speech once can you imagine that even being a scandal today i'd kill for a scandal like that today at least with plagiarism you know the guy can read but joe biden's greatest achievements were to come not as a senator but as the 47th vice president of the united states where he served alongside [Music] that's right your favorite president the savior of the economy the hero of healthcare nobel peace prize winner and oh yeah murderer of osama bin laden that's barack obama joe spent eight years as president obama's trusted right-hand man working so closely with him that soon even biden couldn't tell where he ended and obama began oh biden obama democrat yes so biden's time as vice president has undoubtedly prepared him for the presidency's most fundamental task knowing which building the white house is and once joe is inside that white house he will lead america forward with a bold progressive agenda joe biden who has told his big donors that quote nothing will fundamentally change if he's elected americans aren't looking for evolution no i don't support defunding the police against medicare for all it is totally unrealistic elizabeth warren says she's going to propose a wealth tax fine not bold bold dish or something but what matters is it's not insane and considering this shit storm we're in right now we'll take it i haven't been outside in six months look here's the thing joe biden isn't as inspiring as obama he doesn't have the fearless vision of fdr or the rhetorical gift of john f kennedy my name is joe biden and i love ice cream but what joe is and what he has always been and what he will be as your next president is not donald trump person woman man camera tv so come on man come on man come on man come on man come on come on and that's what makes joe biden acceptable under the circumstances come on man [Music]