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Trey Gowdy Wishes President Trump Had Acted Sooner To Encourage Americans To Wear Face Masks

>> Stephen: WELCOME, WELCOME,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TO "A LATE SHOW"
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. WE JUST WALKED INTO THE ROOM. WE JUST LITERALLY FINALIZED THE
SCRIPT. I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT WHAT WE
JUST WROTE. THIS IS GOING TO BE REALLY
EXCITING, I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD TIME TO PREP MY EYEBALLS BECAUSE
THEY'VE HAD QUITE A BEATING TONIGHT. WE ARE LIVE FOR THE SECOND NIGHT
OF THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION. IT ONLY FEELS LIKE WE'RE DEAD. IF YOU MISSED LAST NIGHT,
CONGRATULATIONS. DESPITE PROMISES OF POSITIVE
MESSAGE, IT WAS A DARK, ANGRY PROPAGANDA. WITH TERRIBLE PRODUCTION VALUES. THEY SHOULD HAVE CALLED IT
"TRIUMPH OF THE WILL THIS BE OVER SOON?"
ONE BIG PROBLEM IS TRUMP AND THE G.O.P. WERE IN COVID DENIAL FOR
MONTHS. THE DEMOCRATS ACTUALLY LOOKED
AHEAD, MADE TIME TO PRODUCE SOMETHING FOR THEIR CONVENTION,
FOUR PRETTY SMOOTH NIGHTS. THE REPUBLICANS HAD TO CRAM ATI
THE LAST MINUTE. "I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY. WHY CAN'T I JUST PAY SOMEONE TO
TAKE THE CONVENTION FOR ME." SINCE THEY HAD NO TIME TO PREP,
INSTEAD OF COOL VIDEOS AND LOCATION SHOOTS, THE R.N.C. WAS
MOSTLY A SINGLE LOCATION WITH SPEAKERS TAKING TURNS AT THE
PODIUM. THE EVENING LOOKED LIKE A RACIST
SPELLING BEE. "CAN I HAVE THE WORDS "LANGUAGE
OF ORIGIN," AND THEN HAVE THE WORD "ARRESTED BY ICE?"
THANK YOU. TO BRING ENERGY, A LOT OF
SPEAKERS REPLACED NUANCED ARGUMENT WITH SCREAMING. IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE THIS WEEK
IS GOING TO GET LOUDER THAN LAST NIGHT. WHAT– WHAT DO YOU THINK,
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE? >> THE BEST IS YET TO COME! >> Stephen: WELL, IT COULDN'T,
GET MUCH WORSE! HE THOUGHT. SO LET'S GET TO NIGHT TWO OF
WHAT WE'RE CALLING… >> THIS AMERICAN CARNAGE. ( EXPLOSIONS )
( ROARING ) >> BE BEST. >> I'M MIKE PENCE. >> I ALONE CAN FIX IT! >> I'M BACK– HEY! >> WATCH OUT, BRO! >> HE'S SO HIGH, DAD! >> Stephen: NOW, YOU KNOW
TRUMP'S GOT TO BE UPSET, BECAUSE LAST NIGHT, TV VIEWERSHIP WAS
WAY DOWN. THE G.O.P. DREW JUST 15.8
MILLION PEOPLE, WHILE THE FIRST NIGHT OF THE D.N.C. ATTRACTED
18.7 MILLION VIEWERS.. UNFORTUNATELY FOR TRUMP, NEILSEN
DOESN'T HAVE AN ELECTORAL COLLEGE. NOR DOES IT COUNT THE MILLIONS
OF PEOPLE WITH THEIR TV SETS OFF WHO STILL HEARD KIMBERLY
GUILFOYLE'S TORTURED CRIES ECHO THROUGH THEIR DREAMS. NIGHT TWO, TRUMP WASN'T GOING TO
MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE. THE REALITY SHOW STAR PULLED OUT
ALL THE STOPS, INCLUDING PARDONING A CONVICTED FELON ON
NATIONAL TV. UH, NO, NOT THAT ONE. OR THAT ONE. OR ANY OF THESE. NO, THE MAN TRUMP PARDONED WAS
JOHN PONDER. PONDER HAS A REALLY WONDERFUL
AND INSPIRING STORY. HE ROBBED A BANK IN NEVADA, AND
LATER FUNDED A– FOUNDED A NONPROFIT CALLED "HOPE FOR
PRISONERS INCORPORATED" THAT HELPS FORMER INMATES RE-ENTER
SOCIETY. "WE'RE A LOT ALIKE. YOU SAY BANK ROBBER. I SAY BANKRUPTER. ♪ LET'S CALL YOUR SENTENCE OFF
♪ SNOIT THEN WE HEARD FROM KENTUCKY SENATOR AND TOOTHBRUSH
THAT NEEDS REPLACING, RAND PAUL. PAUL SPOKE GLOWINGLY OF TRUMP'S
CHARACTER. >> DONALD TRUMP IS A DELUSIONAL
NARCISSIST AND AN ORANGE-FACED WINDBAG. >> Stephen: I'M SORRY, THAT
WAS 2016. THIS KEEPS HAPPENING. AGAIN, I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING
WITH THE SAME PROGRAM– HE KEPT THE SAME HAIR. OKAY. WE ALSO HEARD FROM A FARMER WHO
TALKED ABOUT SURVIVING A FIRE AND COMING BACK WITH THE LATEST
IN DAIRY TECHNOLOGY. >> WE HAD A NEW STATE-OF-THE-ART
ROBOTIC MILKING FACILITY THAT ALLOWS OUR COWS TO MILK
THEMSELVES. >> Stephen: YES, THE COWS
MILKS THEMSELVES, BUT JERRY FALWELL JR. WATCHES. MORE ON THAT LATER. THE NEXT SPEAKER INTRODUCED
HIMSELF THUSLY. >> HELLO, FOLKS. YOU KNOW ME FROM TV AND RADIO. >> Stephen: NOPE, ACTUALLY I
KNOW YOU BECAUSE WE HAD THE SAME COKE DEALER IN THE 90s AND
SPIDER WANTS HIS CASH, LARRY! KUDLOW UNVEILED THE
ADMINISTRATION'S NEW PLAN TO TOP COVID– PRETEND IT'S ALREADY
OVER. >> THEN CAME A ONCE IN 100-YEAR
PANDEMIC. IT WAS AWFUL. >> Stephen: WHY ARE YOU USING
THE PAST TENSE?TION'S NEW YOU KNOW WE STILL CAN'T SHAKE
HANDS IN THE MOST POPULAR COLLEGE DORM IS CHILDHOOD
BEDROOM, RIGHT? HE CONTINUED TO LOOK BACK ON THE
PRESENT. >> IT WAS AWFUL. HEALTH AND ECONOMIC IMPACTS WERE
TRAGIC. HARDSHIP AND HEARTBREAK WERE
EVERYWHERE. >> Stephen: COULD YOU BE A
LITTLE MORE BLASE THERE, LAR. PEOPLE DIED. POOR FOLK'S HEARTS WERE SAD AND
LOST MILLIONS OF MONEY. SORRY FOR THE LOW ENERGY, BUT
DON JR. SWIPED MY COKE." THEN VICE PRESIDENT PENCE SHOWED
UP AND DROVE HOME HIS CORE MESSAGE– THAT HE IS EXTREMELY
BORING. >> EVERY SINGLE DAY WITHOUT
FAIL, PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP HAS BEEN FIGHTING FOR YOU. >> Stephen: AND HE WILL
CONTINUE FIGHTING FOR YOU, PROVIDED YOU ARE THE LAST TRUMP
STICK IN THE BUCKET. PENCE– I NEEDED COFFEE TO STAY
WEAK BEFORE I SAID THE WORD "MIKE PENCE." PENCE TOLD THE STORY OF A
STUDENT IN TROUBLE. >> JACK IS AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD
FROM WISCONSIN. WHO WAS STRUGGLING ACADEMICALLY
AND SOCIALLY IN SCHOOL. BUT JACK'S MOM, SARAH, WHO WORKS
THROUGH JOBS TO SUPPORT HIR SON, APPLIED FOR WISCONSIN'S SCHOOL
CHOICE VOUCHER PROGRAM. >> Stephen: HEY, MIKE, NOT TOLYN
TAKE ANYTHING AWAY FROM YOUR SCHOOL THING, BUT MAYBE FIX THE
PART WHERE SHE'S WORKING THREE JOBS. NO? OKAY, SORRY. NEXT UP, A POTUS SURPRISE! TRUMP AND HIS ILLEGAL HOMELAND
SECURITY SECRETARY, CHAD WOLF, PRESIDED OVER AWE NATURALIZATION
CEREMONY FOR A GROUP OF PROUD NEW AMERICAN CITIZENS. GOOD FOR THEM. AND AFTER THEY'D BEEN SWORN IN,
TRUMP TOUTED THE NATION THEY'D JOIED. >> YOU EARNED THE MOST PRIZED,
TREASURED, CHERISHED, AND PRICELESS POSSESSION ANYWHERE IN
THE WORLD. IT'S CALLED AMERICAN
CITIZENSHIP. >> Stephen: "YOU CAN NOW
RECEIVE A U.S. PASSPORT, WHICH THANKS TO MY LEADERSHIP OF
COVID, IS NOT ACCEPTED IN ANY COUNTRIES BUT IT DOES GET YOU
INTO PARTICIPATING HARDY'S LOCATIONS. CRISPY CURLS AND A COKE, TRUST
MY ON THIS ONE." THEN THERE WAS AN ERIC TRUMP
SIGHTING. HE IS CLEARLY WATCHING THE
R.N.C. BECAUSE HE TWEETED THIS REVIEW OF LAST NIGHT'S BY FORMER
N.F.L. STAR HERSHEL WALKER. HE HIT IT OUT OF THE PARK
TONIGHT. THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY DO IN THE
N.F.L. HERSHEL WALKERRER DID A SLAM
HUFF DUNKAL. HE NETTED A GOOD TENNIS. YAWTSY! ERIC CAME OUT– IT'S HARD TO
TALK AFTER YOU DO THAT. ERIC CAME OUT WITH A STRONG
START. >> WE COULD ALL FEEL IT. SOMETHING WAS HAPPENING. A OVEMENT WAS FORMING JUST
BELOW THE SURFACE. >> Stephen: ERIC, DID YOUR
FATHER NEVER HAVE THE TALK WITH YOU? OKAY. UM… WELL WHEN A YOUNG MAN
MEETS A PORN STAR AND HAS AYO ROLLED UP COPY OF "FORBES–" YOU
KNOW THE STORY. >> AL-BAGHDADI SE SEWELL MANY YU
DEAD. >> THAT SOWNS LIKE A LIST. >> DEMOCRATIC NORMS. >> DEAD. >> MY SOUL FROM WATCHING THESE
LAST TWO NIGHTS. >> DEAD. >> Stephen: HE FINISHED WITH
THIS: >> IN CLOSING, I'D LIKE TO SPEAK
DIRECTLY TO MY FATHER. >> Stephen: "HELLO, MY NAME IS
ERIC AND IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. WOULD YOU LIKE A BOOTH IN THE
FRONT OR THE BACK?" ( LAUGHTER )
ERIC HAD A LOT TO SAY. WHICH IS A BIG CHANGE. YESTERDAY– THIS IS TRUE– THE
NEW YORK ATTORNEY GENERAL'S OFFICE ASKED TO HAVE ERIC
TESTIFY IN AN INQUIRY INTO WHETHER THE TRUMP ORGANIZATION
COMMITTED FRAUD. IT WASN'T FEELING THAT CHATTY
THEN. INSTEAD, HE DECIDED TO TAKE THE
FIFTH, NO SURPRISE. ERIC'S BEEN TAKING THE FIFTH FOR
YEARS IN TRUMP'S RANKING OF HIS CHILDREN. BUT PLEADING THE FIFTH CAN SEEM
INCRIMINATING, ACCORDING TO ERIC'S DAD WHO SAID THIS IN 2016
ABOUT HIS DEMOCRATIC OPPONENT: >> PEOPLE TAKING THE FIFTH
AMENDMENT. YOU SEE THE MOB TAKES THE FIFTH. IF YOU'RE INNOCENT, WHY ARE YOU
TAKING THE FISK AMENDMENT. >> Stephen: OH, NO, I'M JUST
LIKE HILLARY CLINTON. LOCK ME UP! LOCK ME UP! I'M SORRY, DAD. HELLO, MY NAME IS ERIC. WOULD YOU LIKE A BOOTH IN THE
FRONT OR THE BACK? OUR SPECIAL TONIGHT IS SCROD." ( LAUGHTER )
WE ALSO HEARD FROM SECRETARY OF STATE AND AMERICA'S HIGHEST
RANKING GUNGIN, MIKE POMPEO. POMPEO ADDRESSED THE CONVENTION
FROM JUNG KOOK AS PART OF A TAXPAYER-FUNDED TRIP TO THE
MIDDLE EAST. POMPEO IN THE MIDDLE EAST
INSPIRES THIS APPEARANCE FROM MY MIDDLE FINGER. BECAUSE OUR TAXES FLEW HIM TO DO
HIS LITTLE PROPAGANDA SPEECH FROM JURUSE LEM. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY IN
PASSOVER, NEXT YEAR IN PRISON. FACT THAT HE'S SPOOKING AT ALL
IN A CONVENTION, IS NONE BUENO, BECAUSE TRADITIONALLY
SECRETARIES OF STATE SHOULD NOT BE MIXING DIRECTLY IN DOMESTIC
POLITICS. THE SECRETARY OF STATE WORKS FOR
THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. HE SHOULDN'T BE TAKING SIDES INO
OUR ELECTION. HE SHOULD BE MEETING WITH
FOREIGN LEADERS TO GET THEM TO TAKE SIDES IN OUR ELECTION. POLITICS
AND THEN, IT WAS MELANIA TIME AND SHE DRESSED TO IMPRESS OR
COMMAND THE SOVIET TANK CORPS. MELANIA MARCHED OUR DOWN MEMORY
LANE. >> IT SEEMS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY
WHEN MY HUSBAND ACCEPTED THE REPUBLICAN NOMINATION. >> Stephen: COUNTER-POINT, NO
IT DOESN'T. MELANIA TALKED ABOUT HER OWN
CITIZENSHIP JOURNEY. >> I WAS ABLE TO ACHIEVE MY OWN
AMERICAN DREAM. >> Stephen: PARTYING WITH
JEFFREY EPSTEIN AND GHISLAINE MAXWELL. SHE REMINISCED ABOUT HER YEARS
IN THE WHITE HOUSE. >> THE PAST THREE AND A HALF
YEARS HAVE BEEN UNFORGETTABLE. >> Stephen: EXCEPT FOR THOSE
WEIRD 24 DAYS IN 2018 WHERE NO ONE SAW ME OR KNEW WHERE I WAS. LET'S FORGET ABOUT THOSE. DURING HIS WIFE'S SPEECH, IT
LOOKED LIKE DONALD TRUMP WAS HAVING A REALLY GREAT TIME. "I HATE THESE RECITALS. WHICH ONE OF MY CHILDREN IS
THIS? IS THAT TURFANY OR MALARIA?"
THEN, MELANIA LAID OUT HER PLANS FOR A SECOND TERM. >> IN MY NEXT FOUR YEARS AS
FIRST LADY, I WILL CONTINUE TO BUILD ON "BE BEST." >> Stephen: JUST SAYING, IF
YOU HAVE TO REBUILD ON IT, MAYBE IT WASN'T BEST. AND TO RECAP, LAST NIGHT WAS
LOUD AND ALARMING. TONIGHT WAS SLOW AND BORING. DON'T WORRY, TOMORROW NIGHT'S
KEYNOTE SPEAKER IS MIKE… HOW LONG WAS I OUT? WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. MIKE GUESTS ARE BILL AND TED
THEMSELVES, KEANU REEVES AND ALEX WINTER. WE'LL ALSO GET A CONVENTION
REACTION FROM FORMER REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN TREY GOWDY. BUT WHEN WE RETURN, WE TACK A
DEEP DIVE INTO THE HYPOCRISY POOL. STICK AROUND.